if only ....

Last night I watched Michael who cares, he's still a tory Portillo (and yes since you ask, I was still up) being hung in efigy, gassed and nearly asphyxiated. Unfortunately some Hollander saved him from death at the last minute. Actually it was a horrible programme, as Portillo tried to justify his belief in the humane application of the death penalty by investigating the ideal way to kill someone (hypoxia by nitrogen inhalation, it turns out). Still, I did like the bit where the smug bastard told a US death penalty advocate about his wizard wheeze and was a bit taken aback as this man made Portillo look like a wet librul gruaniad reader by explaining that any death penalty method that was painless was pointless. I hate Portillo. He is the epitome of smug tory bastardness. I once went to Halloween Party dressed as him, as he was the scariest most evil thing I could think of.

In other news, I have still been eating breakfast hurrah and will be facing The Scales tomorrow eek.

one week in ...

... and I have so far not eaten any pringles at all, let alone for breakfast. All hail Alpen (no added sugar version natch). And and and we have been doing that "getting out in the fresh air" thingmy, variously been to Alderley Edge, Staithes and Teesdale so far this year (combined with visiting far-flung friends). Not walked far at any location but at least it got Owen away from his new Nintendo DS (alright I admit it, it got me away from it too. I am hooked on Zelda and the Phantom Hour Glass. Knitting productivity is suffering).

Oh and of course we saw lovely rocks at these locations, and as there have been insufficient cephalopods lately, here's a belemnite from Staithes (pound coin for scale):

babystep no.1

my resolution this year: to take babysteps to where I want to go. First babystep for weight loss is to eat breakfast every day. I’ve let myself drift into some very bad eating habits over the past few months, one of the worst being not eating breakfast and then bingeing on pringles later. So, every morning I will eat proper breakfast food for breakfast.

See more progress on: lose weight

small miracles

In the interests of 'looking on the bright side' and trying not to drown under all the stuff in my life that remains undone, some small successes in my life:

1. I scored 82% on my last assignment, despite doing it in a mad rush and guessing some of the answers, so I might even pass at least one of this year's courses with a grade 2 pass.
   
2. On ringing the tutor on my other course in despair, I discovered everyone else feels the same way - it really is hard, not (just) me being idle.
   
3. Because 4 needles aren't enough, I have managed to juggle 5 (4 dpns and a cable needle) to start on some cabled footies for bedsocks for Gran.
4. since I took up knitting I have lost half a stone. You can't eat and knit at the same time.

briefly

• Lost a bit last week and got back to my pre-London weight
• I need to give more priority to getting my exercise it, apart from the belly dancing it's slipping already
  
• Have decided to move my GTD weekly review day to Monday, I think it will work better for me
• I am at last doing my 29th thing - at the moment I have a sleeveless jumper (for O, black with white star on front) and a scarf (for me, thick wool in peaty colours) on the go

fat end of the wedge

All of the meedja are up in arms at this story, that a child could be taken into care because he weighs 14 stone¹. He's lost weight since Christmas so it doesn't seem to be Praeder-Willi syndrome. I do feel for the kid's mum but I also want to shout at her. The child is 8. He only gets to eat what adults give him to eat.

Ms McKeown, 35, told the BBC: "Connor had a mouthful of apple once and he didn't like it. a mouth full? once? he's hardly been encouraged to give them a go

"He refuses to eat fruit, vegetables and salads - he has I buy, prepare and give him processed foods.

"When Connor won't eat anything else, I've got to give him the foods he likes let him understand that that's all that's on offer and he can chose it eat it or not. Perhaps then he will try more than one mouthful of apple."

I know I'm not much of a one to lecture on healthy eating, but I have taken a strong "don't do as I do do as I tell you to" line with O. He doesn't have to clear his plate (urgh I hated that when I was a kid) but he does have to try a mouthful of everything and stay at the table till everyone's finished (it's amazing how often a plate pushed away as being disgusting ends up getting eaten), and he knows we're not going to make him something else if he doesn't eat it. Oh and there are apples in our house most days, also oranges pears bananas grapes persimmons plums apricots pomegranates etc etc, so eating them is not some exotic new experience, it's part of normal life. Now I know I've had it quite easy with O (a child who loves cabbage and brussel sprouts!²) and other parents with similar regimes struggle to get their kids to eat healthily, but that doesn't mean you have to indulge their every whim.

I suspect there's a lot more to this situation than we are being told, and that the child's weight may be a symptom of the reasons why social services are concerned, rather than the cause itself. The mum has free reign to present her side of things but social services are not so free to publish the detail of their concerns. Social workers are not all the pc witchhunt brigade they get painted as - although I might be biased as my mum was one. I'd like to discuss this case with her actually but her and me dad have galivanted off on a 5 week round the world ski-ing trip.



1. 14 stone = 196 lb = 98.9kg
2. Another reason to hate SunnyD is there 'no child is like Max Wild' ad campaign, based on the premise that normal kids don't like fresh fruit and veg so caring parents have to give them vitamins laced with sugar instead.

London Lurgy

We had a good time in London, though we didn't get to see the giant squid - by the time we got there all the tours were booked up. But we did do lots of other stuff. Was pretty tired when I got home and have been betting more tired since, I think I have picked up some London germs. I just want to sleep.

Eating was not good but not disasterous. Lots of pizza but not lots of crisps or ice cream. I've had a bit of a gain but hopefully that will be gone by Friday, if only because I'm too tired too eat. We saw this man at Speakers' Corner on Sunday, bringing a warning from left-pond. Luckily we were on our way to have a go on the pedaloes so I worked off maybe half a slice of pizza.

stick it where the sun don't shine

The ever fabulous (& future Mr Clarrie) Ben Goldacre has written a magnificent article about Gillian McKeith and by extension a subject close to my heart, the pseudo-science of the whole woo wooo diet industry.

She talks endlessly about chlorophyll, for example: how it's "high in oxygen" and will "oxygenate your blood" - but chlorophyll will only make oxygen in the presence of light. It's dark in your intestines, and even if you stuck a searchlight up your bum to prove a point, you probably wouldn't absorb much oxygen in there, because you don't have gills in your gut. In fact, neither do fish. In fact, forgive me, but I don't think you really want oxygen up there, because methane fart gas mixed with oxygen is a potentially explosive combination.

....

These new nutritionists have a major commercial problem with evidence. There's nothing very professional or proprietary about "eat your greens", so they have had to push things further: but unfortunately for the nutritionists, the technical, confusing, overcomplicated, tinkering interventions that they promote are very frequently not supported by convincing evidence.

And that's not for lack of looking. This is not about the medical hegemony neglecting to address the holistic needs of the people. In many cases, the research has been done, and we know that the more specific claims of nutritionists are actively wrong.

....

the most significant "lifestyle" cause of death and disease is social class. ... This phenomenal disparity in life expectancy - the difference between a lengthy and rich retirement, and a very truncated one indeed - is not because the people in Hampstead are careful to eat a handful of Brazil nuts every day
....

I encourage you to read the whole article, and the rest of The Ben's columns on 'Dr' Gillian, and keep it in mind when the next nutrition guru pops up on your tv flogging miracle diets and super foods and vital supplements. One of the main reasons I don't go to WW meetings any more is the tendency of the leaders to spout whatever cr@p they've read in the Daily Mail in place of basic decent nutrition. And I was that mean ol' spoilsport who complained to WW when they ran an article on their website about astrology and dieting.

We know what we have to do - eat less cr@p, eat more fruit and veg, drink less booze, do more exercise. Sounds simple to those people who live like that already but for those of us who struggle it's a long hard road. But no amount of blue green algae¹ or horny goatweed is going to make that road any shorter, just more expensive.


1. I know someone who's doing a PhD researching the toxins in algae

on not getting things done

Well my widgets remain beautifully organised but unfortunately somewhat uncranked. I have several projects that I keep pushing back and pushing back. I need to get them moving else I will be in serious trouble but seem unable to overcome my ostrich-itis about them. These are not things that will take a seriously long time, but they are things I have allowed myself to become scared of.

Doing my weekly gtd review has helped a bit. I have realised that I have progressed many things well, so I am not in fact a total failure. I am hoping this perspective will help get me over the hump and back cranking my widgets come Monday morning. I have re-arranged my working patterns so that instead of smearing my part-time work over a full week, I work only on 3 days a week. I thought this would make it easier to concentrate on doing the right things on the right days - work on work days, study on non-work days. So far it's not working out that well but I will keep going at it.

Weight-wise, I have lost another 1.5 lb this week whoo etc. I have eaten sensibly/normally 5 days out of 7, making a change from bingeing 5 days out of 7. I'm still tracking my food on WW site but not worrying about staying within points - I think I need another few weeks of adjusting back to eating normally before starting to cut back more. Maybe when I stop losing weight, it will be time to try and stick to my points. I've done most of the exercise I aimed for - belly dance and aquarobics but not pilates (not my fault, class was cancelled).


The current cornerstones of my healthy(er) eating are smoothies (the lazy girl's way to eat fruit, whizzed up with low fat pro-biotic yoghurt & sugar-free cranberry juice), houmous (home made, way nicer than shop bought houmous which is often foul) , pitta bread (to eat houmous with)p & oatcakes. I am trying to be organised - making a batch of houmous at the weekend, and when I make smoothies I make enough for 2 or 3 at a time, not running out of itta bread or oatcakes, that kind of thing.

Next week is a bit worrying - me & O are having a half-term trip to That London and will mostly be eating out. I need to think about how I can handle that sensibly.

gah

Pringles. Curses to you evil Pringles.

not just me, then

Article in this week's New Scientist says

Out-of-control binge eating is a widespread eating disorder in the US, and more common than anorexia and bulimia combined, according to the first national survey of such disorders. Binge eating afflicts 3.5% of US women and 2.0% of men at some point in their lives

Not that that makes me feel much better but it's nice to know one is not alone. It's also good that binge eating is being reconised alongside other eating disorders.

Anyway my beginner's efforts to deal with this cr@p have lost me two pounds this week hurrah etc. Next actions for next week: eating = keep on working on eating normally, (recording what I've eaten but not worrying about staying in points allowance) and also drink 1 litre of water a day; exercise = do 3 exercise events again this week.

I started this post on Friday evening but had to break off to watch tv with O - our new Friday night tradition is to let O stay up past his bed time to watch Nick Baker's Weird Creatures on 5. O is going to write to Nick to ask if he needs a kid assistant.

Things I do that normal people don't (# 263): stand around admiring the ammonite and belemnite fossils in the Jurassic limestones on the walls of the new Arndale centre. Must take my camera next time I go to town.

slippage

Ack, there was a (minor) binge this morning. But hey it was just the one family sized bag of crisps rather than 2 tubes of pringles and some cakes. Progress, of sorts. Koff. Anyway I have been to Pilates tonight yay me.

More important news: JK Rowling ruins my life. Well my summer, at least. Why can't she bring the book out the week before, to co-incide with my birthday like she did last time? Why does she have to do it the day I go to summer school? Tsk no consideration these millionaire authors.

sell out

My MSOffice-free computer experiment has been only half successful. I have had to revert to Word & Excel. I share too many layout-heavy documents with word users, that Open Office probbaly could cope with if I had the time and patience to fiddle about with templates and the like, but I don't. Similarly with spreadsheets, I can barely work excel so any extra level of complexity is beyond me when it comes to dealing with spreadsheets.

I haven't, tho, been sucked back into Outlook. I used to be a 'heavy user' - as well as email, I used the calendar and tasks and synched it all with my phone. But I love Thunderbird, I think it's an ace email client. The associated calendar, Sunbird, is fairly rudimentary but as I've gone analogue in my new GTD-ism, I can cope with that for now. So not a complete sell-out.

We had a good weekend, quite busy - on Saturday we went swimming, to see a puppet show and out for pizza with friends, on Sunday I went cycling and R took O and some friends to run about in the outdoors for a few hours. Now back to work boo hoo and still trying to eat normally too. It is not going too bad, although I'm thinking that maybe buying a big box of dried dates wasn't such a good idea ... just becausee it's fruit doesn't mean it's all good ...

not again

So I got back on the dreaded scales and the dreaded numbers were as dreadful as I'd dreaded i.e. highest ever (& over the 18 stone barrier). This is Very Very Bad and Something Must Be Done. I don't feel like I have the energy for it but will push on and hope some energy turns up. I've logged back into WW esource to log my points (because it's a handy tool for recording eating and exercise, and points are easier to work with than calories) and committed to going to aquarobics tonight. And as ever, in case of emergency, buy books.


Actually I must stop buying books, already this month I have spent more on books than most people do in a year and I have a bedside shelf full of ones waiting for me, pluses boxes of stuff on the way from the OU. But this was essential book buying, I needed some books to help me help O with his maths. I don't actually care (much) about whether or not he can do the maths, what upsets me is how easily discouraged he is in the face of new, hard-looking things. I don't want his brain telling him what mine's told me all my life - I can't do it, I'm rubbish, I'll fail, I'll be in trouble, I have to do it perfectly or there's no point, that kind of crappy old yaddah yaddah. So I've got him some books, me some books, and a book for a friend's new baby. Oh and a book for me and O's half-term trip to London - we pretty much know which sights we're going to see and now we know where to eat, too.

So that's the 'spend less' and the 'eat less' resolutions blown already this year, but at least the 'use less plastic bags' one is going strong. I wandered round town with my carbon-neutral, as used by Dick 'n' Dom, omg I look like I hug trees and knit my own muesli, unicorn grocery jute bag, smuggly telling shop assistants "I've got my own bag, thanks, I don't need a plastic one".

Then I came home to wait for the plumber and pimp my blog - thanks so much to phydeaux3 for the labels cloud code.

health kick

R had his annual check up at the doctors and was told his cholesterol is too high, he has some liver enzymes that shouldn't be there and he's put on weight. So basically he needs to drink less, eat better and exercise more. And it's not just him, is it? My eating continues bad, although today I have made myself a lovely fruit smoothie - probably the first time this year I have consumed fruit other than bananas.

I went back to belly dancing this week (C gave me a gorgeous coin belt for Christmas so I had to try it out) and am actually going to try and do 2 hours a week instead of just 1. I have offered to take a friend along to the beginners' class with me, so then I will have to go. Also I am going to go back to aquarobics and re-start pilates. I have to put these in place now as regular habits - if I don't do it now then when I re-start my studies I will think I don't have enough time to exercise too.

Finally getting serious? Dunno. Hope so. OK I know hoping isn't enough. I have my exercise plan drafted out. Now I have to work on the eating. Not just for my physical health but my mental health too, I've been really irritable for the past few weeks (months?) and I know I would feel better if I wasn't consuming so much cr@p.

Next action is weigh myself, find out the worst. Eek.

catching up

Christmas was great, it was really nice to spend the day with all of my family, plus we went to visit friends who moved to Brum last year. Owen got totally spoilt with mounds of presents, including Marvin's Mind Blowing Magic. He spent New Year's Eve performing street magic for friends and neighbours.

All back to work and school now boo and also waiting for the course materials to arrive to start my next OU courses. In preparation for which I have signed up to the cult of Getting Things Done. I've read the holy book, I've set up the sacred 43folders and now I'm ready to start cranking those blessed widgets. I'm going for a mainly anologue implementation to start with (square cut folders, A4 paper, post-its), we'll see how it goes.

Eating is double plus ungood right now, bingeing like feck. Next action: read "Overcoming Binge Eating"