Dear Mr Next PrimeMinister

O is very happy that Tony Blair is fecking off at last, but is concerned about the policies of his successor, and so would like to know your position on the following:

• SATs - do you think it is a good thing for a normally happy school loving 7 year old to have tummy- and head-aches because he's so worried about his SATs and seems to think they won't let him go into class 3 if he doesn't get all the answers right?
• car seats - will you end the humiliation caused by forcing self-respecting seven year olds back into sitting in a 'baby seat'
• casinos - they look such great fun on Sonic the Hedgehog games but completely unfairly children are banned from them
• Kids' Day - it is wholly unfair and unjust that there is a Mothers' Day and a Fathers' Day but no Kids' Day
• The War - O has no position on the war as such, but would very much like it to be over so that his parents stop dragging him on demos against it¹

Of all of the above, car seats are his number one policy concern. On being told he would have to go back into one and that it was because The Government said so, he uttered the immortal lines "I wish the government would f*ck off". Whereupon he was sent to his room for as long as it took for us to stop laughing and put our serious swearing-is-very-bad faces back on.


1. Poor kid is unaware that we can and will always find plenty of things to go on demos for/against