getting angry

Now my exam is out of the way¹ I can lift my head back out of my books and look around. And risk getting angry about stuff I read in the papers. Like all this cr@p about veils and crosses. Obviously as a card-carrying atheist I think no-one should get themselves up in a religious stylee. However to focus the debate so narrowly is to entirely miss the big picture. Only the tiniest fraction of British Muslim women wear the veil; if the 'Muslim community' is isolated from the 'main stream', lets think a tiny bit about who is isolating whom? Who is it who moves out when Asian people move into an area? Who is it who don't want to send their kids to schools with significant numbers of non-white pupils? White people that's who. And while we're at it, who's radicalising who? All this cr@p in the papers lately is making me angry as feck and I'm a white British atheist. If I was remotely of the Islamic persuasion I would, these days, only go out wearing a full veil and one of these t-shirts and carrying a copy of The Chemistry Of Explosives under my arm.

Oh and don't get me started on Madonna ...






1. Trying not to think about it now, too late to worry about what I wrote, gotta wait 2 months for the results waaaahaaaaahhhaaaaahahahahahahah

questions questions

Have I had my blood test results? Yesh and both glucose and cholesterol were normal. Which is thanks entirely to a fluke of my excellent genetic inheritance - someome with my appalling diet thoroughly deserves diabetes and heart disease.

How long have I been belly dancing? I started going about two and a half years ago, becuase I needed to do some weight-bearing excercise and it beats the cr@p out of aerobics classes.



How is the rate of an S_N1 reaction affected by (i)the nucleophilicity of the nucleophile, and (ii)the structure of the substrate? waah I dunno help I have an exam on this stuff in less than one week




Diet what diet?

who are you and what have you done with my hair?

There is a strange woman in my mirror. This morning I went for a haircut, and for the first time in years spent more than a tenner on it. I asked a neighbour with good hair where she goes, and went there. The cut is good, but then the stylist decided to dry it straight "just for a change". And then she got the straighters on it. So now I have the ubiqitous straightened layers with wispy ends look that I generally pride myself on not having. The number of women who iron their hair flat¹ these days is scary.

D**t news: there is no diet. Not this week anyway, the past two days have been a disaster. I have been to bellydancing, tho.

1. darn it why can't I find a still of Tracy Turnblad ironing her hair?

oh bollox

Gained a pound this week. Bah bah bah. Because I had two bouts of bingeing and did no excercise. Done it all wrong this week, need to do it less wrong next week. Angry with myself.

Other news: we might be getting a hamster yay. O is on an incentive programme to stop sucking his fingers. If he gets enough stickers on his chart over the next 6 weeks he gets a hamster. He actually wanted a dog but we negotiated him down. I'm very excited. We had a hamster when I was a kid, they are so cute. Plus I've always wanted rotastak. Our poor Peanuts had to slum it in a wire cage, but I've been reading that plastic ones are better for keeping cats at bay so I've been looking up rotastak on ebay. I don't think R has noticed I actually want this hamster more than O. Perhaps he could make a sticker chart for me and if I lose a pound a week in the next 6 weeks I get a really fancy hamster palace.

Being under massive pressure of work and study, I react like any normal person ie spend inordinate amount of time prowling stationery shops looking for the perfect note book or pen or desk tidy or file or post-it, something that is the holy grail of stationery and will miraculously transform me into a super-organised straight-A student. Still haven't found it, but did find some fancy pens ideal for drawing curly arrow mechanisms and a lovely new Black'n'Red notebook.

Had my blood taken this morning (eventually, after 3 goes) and she decided to test for lipids too. So now I have a week to wait to find out how much damage I've done to myself with my crappy eating.

It's that time again, yes the students are back so I took refuge in a student free zone today ie the university library. It was nice and quiet, although I suppose later in the week it will be temporarily busy with first years being shown around ("this is the library where we keep the books - you know, the big papery things with words in - do try and remember where it is so you know where to come during that last week before exams panic and sit round with your mates talking and txting and thinking that's revision").

I have a mass of studying to do myself, the last assignment of the course is due in on Friday and extensions are not allowed. I expect I will be stalking my tutor, sneaking up his drive late Friday night to put it through the letter box. At one point I decided not to go to bellydancing tonight so I could get some more work done but then my back started twinging. Plus I remembered I have an appointment for a fasting glucose test tomorrow morning. I know I will entirely deserve diabetes if I have it, but I need to keep making healthy choices about food and exercise - becuase if I don't got it now I soon will if I don't change.

this week

Lost 2 lb hurrah. Ate over my points again boo. Excercise was 1 bellydance class and some pottering about on my bike ho hum. Next week I aim to stay within my points and do 3 lots of exercise.

I don't want to shock anyone who thinks I'm all sweetness and light, but I like a spliff as much as the next woman¹ (provided it's made with 'tobacco' from those vile herbal fags rather than real fags, Mr Nick O'Teen being a far more evil villain than Ms Mary Jane). I've always been squeamish about the kind of cr@p you have to through to get. I've always got poxy little sixteenths off of friends who got if off someone else who got it off someone else who had the bottle to go and see the dealer for a big(gish) lump. And that's the trouble with draw, what with it being illegal and all, that somewhere along the line you have to deal with some fairly unpleasant people to get hold of it.

I was thinking about this yesterday while chatting with some local peeps over at the ramps, people who are all anti-corporate this and fair-trade that but smoke fags, smoke draw and probably lots of other stuff to. Yeah cos cigarette companies are so ethical innit? And drug dealers, too. We were talking about the young lad who got shot dead last weekend, not so far away from here. Almost certainly by gangs fighting over the local drug trade (tho the kid himself wasn't in a gang and ffs even if he was, he was 15, no-one deserves to get gunned down in a park at 15 years old). OK I know they're fighting over the heroin and crack trades, but the draw is part of the same system. And it's not exactly produced in an ethical manner². Wtf is the point of rolling up a Camberwell Carrot with a the baccy from a Silk Cut and experiencing a warm smug glow as you drink your mug of CafeDirect?

Sorry about the rambling rant. Partly I am angry about the kid getting shot and worried about what will happen to O if he grows up round here, and partly I have been having the odd twinge of smoking-lust (particularly when seeing someone unwrap a fresh pack of Marlboro Lights) that I'm talking myself out of. Plus my usual ongoing rage at fluffy minded hippy foolishness.

Oh yes and I am also angry cos the council have tried to bulldozer down our ramps. Something local people have put lots of time and effort into making, something that gives kids on bikes something to do other than be drug dealer's runners, something constructive, and the feckers want to knock it down.

So no more fags or other drug's for me. I leave you with the words of Nigel Blackwell:

She stayed with me until
She moved to Notting Hill.
She said it was the place she had to be.
Where the cocaine is Free Trade
And frequently displayed
Is the Buena Vista Social Club CD.

1. Unless the next woman was C in her heyday. No-one like a spliff better than C in her heyday.
2. Also that hydroponically grown stuff is bad nasty stuff. And anyway I don't need an attack of the munchies either

being a good mummy

to my cats, at least. Spent a hundred quid on them at the Vee Eee Tee. They both have fleas urgh and poor Fergus has a nasty flea allergy aww so they needed pills and lotions and injections and what not. He wasn't talking to me after, at least not until I produced the shiny new brush I got them in the hope of fending off the hair balls.

In O's books I have not been such a good mummy to him lately. Having noticed how cheeky he was becoming, and particulary his habit of wailing and whinging to try and get his own way, we are having a bit of a clamp down. Poor boy ended up doing himself out of the packet of jaffa cakes he was looking forward to. I can but hope he'll get the message eventually ...

Eating is crap, or rather I am crap at eating. I cannot seem to break the bingeing habit. I have been eating better this past week or so, since I re-started my WL efforts, but still overeating. Sigh. At least I'm getting the exercise, 2 belly dance classes a week plus bits of cycling and pilates too hurrah, also we are trying to keep the house clean (and will have to have a massive anti-flea hoovering effort) and even loathsome housework burns calories.

Having finally got the dreaded inorganic chemistry assignment out of the way (stayed up all night on Friday to finish it, it was v poor in the end but hey ho it's finished and in) I can now move onto cramming 6 weeks' of organic synthesis into 2 weeks. But at least it is my beloved organic chemistry hurrah (plus if I'm really stuck I can impose on poor long suffering K again). Then it's 4 weeks of revision for my first exam in 20 years waaaaah. But at least I am booked on a cramming weekend although very unfairly R is going to Leipzig that same weekend. Unfair, he gets all the fun.

No chemistry was done yesterday, cos we had a family day out - me, O & R plus my mum & dad who got in free cos it was grandparent's day - at Gulliver's World. O said it was even better than the last time cos he got to go on the Antelope roller coaster and not just once but twice. Plus he had his grandad with him and they adore each other - dad had even given up golf to be there, that's how much he loves no. 1 grandson.

Eating has been not brilliant but OK, apart from one binge on Friday. We went out on Saturday night and there was wine, pizza and pudding (although the diet gods must have been watching as there was only one piece of cheesecake left so we had to share it). Took a picnic with us on Sunday, not a perfect weight loss picnic but better than eating fried sh*t at the theme park. I have to keep remembering it's all about babysteps and must not expect to undo years of poor eating in a few weeks.

bah

Weigh in day today, I've gained a pound boo. But it may be a totm thing. My eating wasn't ideal (I ended up a day's worth of points over on the week eep) but exercising has been good (cycling, pilates x 2, belly dancing x 2) and I've been trying to drink more water. Next week will be better, I'm sure.

Everything is kind of getting back to normal. O has gone back to school and I have gone back to dieting. Had a blip yesterday - I was out all day (6 am to 11 pm) and while I was more careful that I would have been, it wasn't a good day foodwise. But apart from that I have kept at the pointing and the drinking water and such so far, and I've been exercising too - cycling, pilates, belly dancing.

Went for a bike ride on Sunday and during our 20 mile trundle, crossed paths with some riders out doing the Manchester 100. What with one thing and another we didn't do enough miles to go in for the 100 km this year (never mind the 100 miles). Maybe next year ...

g'night mate

Steve Irwin died in freak stingray-sting-to-the-heart incident. I loved Steve Irwin, he was mad as a box of frogs but so phenominally enthusiastic about the dangerous animals he got ludicrously close to.

O has made me promise we will never go to Australia. His current wildlife loon hero is Austin "Snakemaster" Stevens, a high-camp, hammed-up, Irwin-lite, who runs around the bush annoying deadly snakes and getting all dramatic about how quickly their venom would kill him, because obviously his film crew and production company aren't standing right next to him with a bottle of anti-venom. He does that ludicrous thing you never see anyone else do any more, of pretending he is all alone in the wild. Bah, he don't wrestle crocs and he ain't a patch on Crocodile Hunter Steve (or Crocodile Nutter as I misheard on the radio this morning, but it's quite apt really).

good start

Weighed myself this morning - I know I only did it on Monday but I want to have Friday as my regular weighing day - and I've lost 2.5 lb hurrah but erm I may but some of that back on tonight as we are going out to our friendly neighourhood Malaysian eaterie.

OK gotta go and observer the local street theatre - the council are trying to take away a neighbour's car for some reason (probably it's not taxed etc) but has they were winching it up he got in it and locked himself in, so now there's bit of an impasse.

the North East coast - a users guide

I had to work oop North-er, so we all three piled in the car and went to see how C's leg is doing. She is out of plaster but not really mobile yet, so we did a bit of whizzing about shopping and such. But mainly we did tourist things. O was thoroughly spoiled with sweets & toys from C (plus a trip to the fab cheap charity shop for games & books), plus masses of trips out and about. We don't usually go on trips to theme parks and such, certainly not 4 in as many days!

On the day I was working, R took O to DiggerLand, which was a great hit. He absolutely adored it, said it was as good as Gulliver's World. Cost of entry: £12 each (but if you take your lunch you don't need to spend anymore money if you can avoid the gift shop). Having the best day of your life twice in one month and you get to boast to every other small boy you meet about how you've driven a real digger: priceless

Next day was sunny so we headed for the coast. C came along for the ride, she couldn't get about much but her leg means she hasn't had much chance to get out and about this summer. We went up to Seahouses and had a proper British seaside day out. First up, (fish &) chips followed by ice-creams. Next down to the beach for some light rockpooling and then we took a boat trip to the Farne Islands. There are several boat operators but C advised that Billy Shiel is the best, so off we went on Glad Tidings V to see some seals. And we did see seals, and birds too, tho we were too late for puffins boo. I always wanted to see a puffin, so we'll have to go back earlier in the year next time. Anyway the boat trip was great on a sunny afternoon and afterwards, O got some candyfloss (did I mention C spoils him?) then we had a round of crazy golf, which was fun but not very crazy.

Then the next day it was off to The Alnwick Garden. Which is nice but not eight-quid-a-head's worth of nice, even if kids do get in free. The treehouse was a great disappointment, it's just a glorified caff. Presumably with glorified prices, but we had our own sarnies hah. The leaflets asking to help them fundraise for the 'next phase' stuck in the craw after the price of the entry, too. And don't get me started on the overpriced gift shops at every turn ... Still, the water features are good for kids on a warm day - although we could get wet at home for nothing.

Saturday we went home 'via' Hull (my grasp of UK geography is tenuous, unfortunately I had mentioned this trip to O before checking with R that Durham and Hull were actually relatively close because they're both on the east coast). Why Hull?

The Deep of course. Go. It's fantastic. Well if you like fishes and sharks and such it is, and what's not to like?

Back home, back to normal, back to course work avoidance. I have piles to do and I can't face it. I have been putting it off for days weeks. It's so dull. Inorganic chemistry is so dull. I realise that to normal people, differentiating levels of dullness within chemistry seems unnecessary, but chemistry types will understand. I'm also sure there are people who love inorganic chemistry but I'm an organic gal at heart. At least it has decided me against taking inorganic as my second level 3 course. It'll be physical for me, hard sums and all.

I'll tell you how bad things are. Not only am I writing long blog posts as a displacement activity, I've even been cleaning the house. Even the dreaded FlyLady would approve of my house right now. That's how bad it's got, even housework is preferable to the elements of the p-block.

Back news: it's much better than it was, but I have to be careful to look after it. No more slouching and slobbing, now I have to sit up straight help help I am being assimilated by some kind of Stretford Wife droid waaaah. I :heart: my squishy cushion that I use to support my back tho, it's lovely and squidgy and it helps. I'm going back to belly dancing from next week (I haven't been for months because I didn't have time but if I want to not to be crippled with backache I have to make time) and I'm going to start going to pilates on Saturday.

Diet news: is going OK, but I must remember that buying oatcakes is the diet equivalent of a false economy. I eat and eat and eat them. Question is, is it better to 'binge' on a few oatcakes than run out for Pringles? OK I think I just worked that out ...

well

Day 1 went OK, stuck to my points etc. Day 2 hasn't been bad so far, either. I am not looking forward to the long haul, tho. But I suppose the trick is not to think about that but only about the next day or hour or 10 minutes.

No chocolate or crisps for 2 days is an unusual acheivement for me, from my recent eating habits. I've even clocked up all my water today wooo.

could've been worse

Day 1 of Project Restart Weightloss Efforts. I've decided to follow the WW plan (using their on-line tracking) but not go to the actual Fatclub Meetings. I've tried a few and have never yet found a leader who inspires me (not £5 a week worth of inspiration, anyway). So I bought some new scales and weighed myself this morning. Have gained half a stone since I last looked, but haven't gone back up to my previous highest.

Jolly bank holiday full of cleaning, studying and cooking vats of low-calorie vegetable soup to get on with now, hurrah.

oh b*gg*r

I've done me back in. I just bent over to pick something up and ow it hurt. It still hurts. I went to the doctor; of course she told me my weight is probably the reason for back trouble. So, I have to start the weight loss thing again, perhaps this will be the incentive I need. I certainly don't want to go on having back problems, it is horrible and makes me feel about 92 years old.

How many calories in co-codamol & ibuprofen?

bad blogger's bullet points

• Graduation was stressful but worthwhile (also the house now looks nice for once), R looked great in his robes and funny hat and is a doctor at last hurrah, and I thoroughly recommend Le Petit Blanc for a family celebration


• Summer School was last week, it was fraught and frantic and far too hot, I nearly lost it in the middle of the week but fortunately the work let up slightly and the weather got slightly cooler and it became more bearable, so I made it to the end. And I did enjoy being back in a lab again. Now I just have the assignments to finish


• School Holidays are here so we have to look after our own kids bah. Took O to Gulliver's World yesterday, he said it was the best day of his life.


• Work Work Work is still always here, I have a report to write for Work-work and an assignment to finish for OU-work, before we go on holiday.


• Summer Holidays are next week, we are off first thing on Sunday for 2 weeks. Waah, half of me wishes I could stay at home and catch up with my life.

not waving but ...

... drowning under a tsunami of flat packs, paint, assignments, worry about shoes and the exact shade of green for the pashmina my fashun consultants tell me I need to get to go with my New For The Graduation dress (as picture but brown with cream spots instead of black & white), reports, meetings, trips to London, trips to Ikea, power tools¹, cleaning products², broken legged best friends, free vodka, trips to the tip, new white goods, washing & ironing, booking tables at posh restaurant, being too hot, fretting, worrying and panicking



I haven't even found time to order my copy of Key to the Identification of Academic Hoods of the British Isles, so sadly I shall miss out on the opportunities for academic twitching. Although I am hoping the Mongolian robes make another appearance.

1. tip of the day: do not let stressed, pre-menstrual, sleep deprived, living on diet pepsi, peanut butter, pitta bread & bananas, women lose with industrial strength hammer drills. They get very upset if the wall moves and makes their hole not straight.

2. several pods of dolphins have been sacrificed already