be afraid

Fisherman have landed a colossal squid in Antarctica. I am stocking up on t-shirts. His squid brethren will be angered and I want to be in their good books when they come looking for him.



Is it heresy to suggest that their tentacles remind me of His Noodly Appendage? Are squid perhaps his earthly aquatic form? Is the future invertebrate?

my bad

oh dear. Today I had to go into town on some routine errands, remembered I still hadn’t spent my Xmas money from my parents so went to look for some boots. Ended up buying two pairs, these gorgeous turquoise ones at full price and some very cute brown suede ones in the sale.

And then I bought some books. Yeah cos what this house needs is more books sfxgroaningbookshelvessfx and especially now my geology courses are underway, I really need extra works of fiction to distract me.

See more progress on: buy less

all priests over-75 five a side indoor football contest

well nearly. Two of the Arran Islands are to have a five a side soccer¹ match to decide which is the real Craggy Island. John Aldridge seems a particularly fitting choice. May the best feckers win.

1. Yes they do call it 'soccer' in Ireland, as 'football' means Gaelic football.

procrastination central

because I have so much work and study to catch up on that I get all panicked when I think about starting, here's a nice picture of the last 25 books I read

how squid am I?

Results: You are almost certainly part giant squid. Your mother may have had a watery fling that your father didn't know about.

How to tell if you are part squid at squidsquid.com

London Lurgy

We had a good time in London, though we didn't get to see the giant squid - by the time we got there all the tours were booked up. But we did do lots of other stuff. Was pretty tired when I got home and have been betting more tired since, I think I have picked up some London germs. I just want to sleep.

Eating was not good but not disasterous. Lots of pizza but not lots of crisps or ice cream. I've had a bit of a gain but hopefully that will be gone by Friday, if only because I'm too tired too eat. We saw this man at Speakers' Corner on Sunday, bringing a warning from left-pond. Luckily we were on our way to have a go on the pedaloes so I worked off maybe half a slice of pizza.

Happy Wednesday

I'm off to see the giant squid.

oops

I have got meself all worked up about something going on locally and tonight was the only time I had to work on it, so I got all caught up in it and didn't get to belly dancing, preferring to stay in and fire off emails to secure my place on the moral high ground. Now I'm all wound up and won't sleep and have been forced to resort to the only booze in the house, a bottle of Triassic-era Tia Maria. No exercise + sweet sticky drinks = bad fat gurl.

stick it where the sun don't shine

The ever fabulous (& future Mr Clarrie) Ben Goldacre has written a magnificent article about Gillian McKeith and by extension a subject close to my heart, the pseudo-science of the whole woo wooo diet industry.

She talks endlessly about chlorophyll, for example: how it's "high in oxygen" and will "oxygenate your blood" - but chlorophyll will only make oxygen in the presence of light. It's dark in your intestines, and even if you stuck a searchlight up your bum to prove a point, you probably wouldn't absorb much oxygen in there, because you don't have gills in your gut. In fact, neither do fish. In fact, forgive me, but I don't think you really want oxygen up there, because methane fart gas mixed with oxygen is a potentially explosive combination.

....

These new nutritionists have a major commercial problem with evidence. There's nothing very professional or proprietary about "eat your greens", so they have had to push things further: but unfortunately for the nutritionists, the technical, confusing, overcomplicated, tinkering interventions that they promote are very frequently not supported by convincing evidence.

And that's not for lack of looking. This is not about the medical hegemony neglecting to address the holistic needs of the people. In many cases, the research has been done, and we know that the more specific claims of nutritionists are actively wrong.

....

the most significant "lifestyle" cause of death and disease is social class. ... This phenomenal disparity in life expectancy - the difference between a lengthy and rich retirement, and a very truncated one indeed - is not because the people in Hampstead are careful to eat a handful of Brazil nuts every day
....

I encourage you to read the whole article, and the rest of The Ben's columns on 'Dr' Gillian, and keep it in mind when the next nutrition guru pops up on your tv flogging miracle diets and super foods and vital supplements. One of the main reasons I don't go to WW meetings any more is the tendency of the leaders to spout whatever cr@p they've read in the Daily Mail in place of basic decent nutrition. And I was that mean ol' spoilsport who complained to WW when they ran an article on their website about astrology and dieting.

We know what we have to do - eat less cr@p, eat more fruit and veg, drink less booze, do more exercise. Sounds simple to those people who live like that already but for those of us who struggle it's a long hard road. But no amount of blue green algae¹ or horny goatweed is going to make that road any shorter, just more expensive.


1. I know someone who's doing a PhD researching the toxins in algae

on not getting things done

Well my widgets remain beautifully organised but unfortunately somewhat uncranked. I have several projects that I keep pushing back and pushing back. I need to get them moving else I will be in serious trouble but seem unable to overcome my ostrich-itis about them. These are not things that will take a seriously long time, but they are things I have allowed myself to become scared of.

Doing my weekly gtd review has helped a bit. I have realised that I have progressed many things well, so I am not in fact a total failure. I am hoping this perspective will help get me over the hump and back cranking my widgets come Monday morning. I have re-arranged my working patterns so that instead of smearing my part-time work over a full week, I work only on 3 days a week. I thought this would make it easier to concentrate on doing the right things on the right days - work on work days, study on non-work days. So far it's not working out that well but I will keep going at it.

Weight-wise, I have lost another 1.5 lb this week whoo etc. I have eaten sensibly/normally 5 days out of 7, making a change from bingeing 5 days out of 7. I'm still tracking my food on WW site but not worrying about staying within points - I think I need another few weeks of adjusting back to eating normally before starting to cut back more. Maybe when I stop losing weight, it will be time to try and stick to my points. I've done most of the exercise I aimed for - belly dance and aquarobics but not pilates (not my fault, class was cancelled).


The current cornerstones of my healthy(er) eating are smoothies (the lazy girl's way to eat fruit, whizzed up with low fat pro-biotic yoghurt & sugar-free cranberry juice), houmous (home made, way nicer than shop bought houmous which is often foul) , pitta bread (to eat houmous with)p & oatcakes. I am trying to be organised - making a batch of houmous at the weekend, and when I make smoothies I make enough for 2 or 3 at a time, not running out of itta bread or oatcakes, that kind of thing.

Next week is a bit worrying - me & O are having a half-term trip to That London and will mostly be eating out. I need to think about how I can handle that sensibly.

older than kylie

aargh I will be 40 this year omg omg how did that happen wtf aaargh

that is all.

gah

Pringles. Curses to you evil Pringles.

want that one

My hero Ben "fuck off acadmic ninja" Goldacre has a book coming out whoot whoot hurrah. You should buy it, then he'll have more money to buy me presents (eg a lovely periodic table table for our living room) when he sees the light and marries me.




(Note to self: add 'work out how to stop blogger putting boxes around pictures' to next actions list)

new toys

Hurray my boxes of OU stuff have arrived. Including a fantabulous microscope and boxes of rocks and fossils.

I'm a bit worried about juggling managing two courses at the same time, and making sure I spend enough time on each and don't get behind on either. The microscope, and the maps, create some logistical problems - can't take them with me to the library or on the train. Last year I relied alot on being able to go to the library to study (no tv, no internet, no food). I will have to try and arrange things so that I use time at home for the maps 'n' microscopes course, and do the other one in the library. Oh except that this course has lots of online activities too. Gah. Must get that 43things thing happening ...

I was walking down the road the other day

Man walks up to me, says how far is it to the railway station? Ted Chippington, what a star. Who says the 80s were all bad?

not just me, then

Article in this week's New Scientist says

Out-of-control binge eating is a widespread eating disorder in the US, and more common than anorexia and bulimia combined, according to the first national survey of such disorders. Binge eating afflicts 3.5% of US women and 2.0% of men at some point in their lives

Not that that makes me feel much better but it's nice to know one is not alone. It's also good that binge eating is being reconised alongside other eating disorders.

Anyway my beginner's efforts to deal with this cr@p have lost me two pounds this week hurrah etc. Next actions for next week: eating = keep on working on eating normally, (recording what I've eaten but not worrying about staying in points allowance) and also drink 1 litre of water a day; exercise = do 3 exercise events again this week.

I started this post on Friday evening but had to break off to watch tv with O - our new Friday night tradition is to let O stay up past his bed time to watch Nick Baker's Weird Creatures on 5. O is going to write to Nick to ask if he needs a kid assistant.

Things I do that normal people don't (# 263): stand around admiring the ammonite and belemnite fossils in the Jurassic limestones on the walls of the new Arndale centre. Must take my camera next time I go to town.

slippage

Ack, there was a (minor) binge this morning. But hey it was just the one family sized bag of crisps rather than 2 tubes of pringles and some cakes. Progress, of sorts. Koff. Anyway I have been to Pilates tonight yay me.

More important news: JK Rowling ruins my life. Well my summer, at least. Why can't she bring the book out the week before, to co-incide with my birthday like she did last time? Why does she have to do it the day I go to summer school? Tsk no consideration these millionaire authors.

4 years

I have not smoked for 4 years, 9 hours, 37 minutes and 58 seconds.
36,535 cigarettes not smoked
£9,133.75 not paid to evil death dealing tobacco company capitalists.
Life saved to continue fight capitalism: 18 weeks, 20 hours, 35 minutes.

sell out

My MSOffice-free computer experiment has been only half successful. I have had to revert to Word & Excel. I share too many layout-heavy documents with word users, that Open Office probbaly could cope with if I had the time and patience to fiddle about with templates and the like, but I don't. Similarly with spreadsheets, I can barely work excel so any extra level of complexity is beyond me when it comes to dealing with spreadsheets.

I haven't, tho, been sucked back into Outlook. I used to be a 'heavy user' - as well as email, I used the calendar and tasks and synched it all with my phone. But I love Thunderbird, I think it's an ace email client. The associated calendar, Sunbird, is fairly rudimentary but as I've gone analogue in my new GTD-ism, I can cope with that for now. So not a complete sell-out.

We had a good weekend, quite busy - on Saturday we went swimming, to see a puppet show and out for pizza with friends, on Sunday I went cycling and R took O and some friends to run about in the outdoors for a few hours. Now back to work boo hoo and still trying to eat normally too. It is not going too bad, although I'm thinking that maybe buying a big box of dried dates wasn't such a good idea ... just becausee it's fruit doesn't mean it's all good ...

weekly review

oh not more gtd dronings? Yep, fraid so. The weekly review is a key gtd thing, and a generally good idea. So I'm hoping planning to do it each Friday, which ties in nicely with my weighing myself schedule too, then I can review my eating and WL week at the same time. I've dusted down my 43 things list to use as a collection bucket for some of my personal projects (particularly those of the 'someday/maybe' variety), and gone through adding next actions to the things I want to move on (oh and put it in my side bar too hurrah for java script thingummies). Then I've dropped those next actions into my @actions system and made folders for the projects that need them.

I haven't weighed myself today, as I only did it a couple of days ago, but Friday will be my regular weighing day. Eating has gone OK the past 3 days, I have been over my points but I'm not that bothered about that for now. The important thing is I have been eating real food (fruit and veg and pulses omg) and drinking water & green tea (instead of 6 cans of Diet Dr Pepper a day). So far, so good, so keep on going. Tomorrow morning I'll have a swim while O has his swimming lesson, I have a bike ride arranged for Sunday and I've arranged to take friend along to belly dancing so I have to stay for 2 hours instead of 1.

And my OU books have started to arrive hurrah!

lang may your lum reek

Happy Burns' Night



I happened to find myself in a pub (on a colleague's leaving do) and they gave out free wee drams.

book snob? moi?

Hearing on t'wireless that a third of British adults have lied about reading a 'high-brow' book to appear more intelligent. Being unable to resist my natural urge to show off, I rushed to find out more. Today really is a good day for smugness, as I find I really have read the top ten books on the list. Hah.

Top Ten Books we other people apparantly lie about reading:

1. The Lord of the Rings - J.R.R Tolkien
Well of course I've read it, and the Hobbit. Several times. And yes that is several times before the fillums came out. Another year or 2 and O will be having the Hobbit for his bed time story. Interesting tho that everyone apparantly wants people to think they've read it, before the fillums came out most people pointed and laffed at you if you admitted reading Tolkein. Geekchic really has arrived.

2. War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
Yep, read this one too, only a couple of years ago. It was a bit of a marathon, and more of a 'because it's there' read than something I adored, but I kind of enjoyed it. Although I can't believe most people tell everyone else they've read it?

3. Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
Read the book, seen the fillum, got the single. It was one of my a-level set texts as it happens. I remember thinking I wouldn't enjoy, then not being able to put it down. Haven't read it for years, tho. I'm really more of a Janeite than a Bronte fan - can't be doing with all that running round the moors in your nightie. I still say Heathcliffe was Mr Earnshaw's bastard, why else would he bring some weird kid back from Liverpool one day? I also have this interesting theory about Thomas Hardy's .... oh you've just seen someone over there you know and have to rush off? oh OK

4. Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus - John Gray
OK I confess, I've only read about half of this twaddle. Because it's twaddle. If you were trying to impress me at a party by telling me you'd read this, you'd fail. Now if you told me you'd read How Mumb-Jumbo Conquered the World, that would impress me.

5. 1984 - George Orwell
You mean everyone else didn't spend their teenage years reading Orwell and Huxley and getting all angsty about dystopian futures? Shallow bastards, probably out having fun while us sensitive souls worried about jackboots and human faces in our bedrooms. Mind you, the more I read about the role of Stalin in the Spanish Civil war, the more I realise why Eric Arthur hated Stalinist communism quite so bitterly.

6. Harry Potter and the Philosophers Stone - J.K Rowling
Got my copy of number 7 reserved already. Hurryuphurryuphurryuphurryup

7. Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
Read it, love it. Used to be my favourite Dickens' but that's now between Bleak House & Little Dorrit

8. Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
Yep, but see above for general comments on Brontes.

9. The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
Read it, it's awful. Dreadful pish. Carboard cutout characters in plot-by-numbers 'thriller'. I am certain I shall never see a Dan Brown book lovelier than a tree. Even an old dead dutch elm disease infected rotten blasted stump.

10.Diary of Anne Frank - Anne Frank
Another "you mean everyone else didn't spend their teenage years crying over this?" one. Seriously, you must have read it?

not again

So I got back on the dreaded scales and the dreaded numbers were as dreadful as I'd dreaded i.e. highest ever (& over the 18 stone barrier). This is Very Very Bad and Something Must Be Done. I don't feel like I have the energy for it but will push on and hope some energy turns up. I've logged back into WW esource to log my points (because it's a handy tool for recording eating and exercise, and points are easier to work with than calories) and committed to going to aquarobics tonight. And as ever, in case of emergency, buy books.


Actually I must stop buying books, already this month I have spent more on books than most people do in a year and I have a bedside shelf full of ones waiting for me, pluses boxes of stuff on the way from the OU. But this was essential book buying, I needed some books to help me help O with his maths. I don't actually care (much) about whether or not he can do the maths, what upsets me is how easily discouraged he is in the face of new, hard-looking things. I don't want his brain telling him what mine's told me all my life - I can't do it, I'm rubbish, I'll fail, I'll be in trouble, I have to do it perfectly or there's no point, that kind of crappy old yaddah yaddah. So I've got him some books, me some books, and a book for a friend's new baby. Oh and a book for me and O's half-term trip to London - we pretty much know which sights we're going to see and now we know where to eat, too.

So that's the 'spend less' and the 'eat less' resolutions blown already this year, but at least the 'use less plastic bags' one is going strong. I wandered round town with my carbon-neutral, as used by Dick 'n' Dom, omg I look like I hug trees and knit my own muesli, unicorn grocery jute bag, smuggly telling shop assistants "I've got my own bag, thanks, I don't need a plastic one".

Then I came home to wait for the plumber and pimp my blog - thanks so much to phydeaux3 for the labels cloud code.

fluffy clouds

well as you can see I've been playing with the kewl new blogger. Next action: make my labels show as a fluffy cloud rather than a nasty list.

one more thing

one of my new favourite things is Freecycle. You've got stuff you don't need anymore, someone else wants stuff, they come and collect stuff from you. Hurrah, less consumerism and less stuff in landfill. When I gtd-ed my office I found a pile of stuff I've offloaded on freecycle. I've got some great stuff from there too, best of all a new bed¹ for O which he loves (we were going to buy one but then it showed up for free yay). Go on, try it, it's like ebay but for free.


1. We bought the mattress new, tho. Ickety ick to used mattresses.

health kick

R had his annual check up at the doctors and was told his cholesterol is too high, he has some liver enzymes that shouldn't be there and he's put on weight. So basically he needs to drink less, eat better and exercise more. And it's not just him, is it? My eating continues bad, although today I have made myself a lovely fruit smoothie - probably the first time this year I have consumed fruit other than bananas.

I went back to belly dancing this week (C gave me a gorgeous coin belt for Christmas so I had to try it out) and am actually going to try and do 2 hours a week instead of just 1. I have offered to take a friend along to the beginners' class with me, so then I will have to go. Also I am going to go back to aquarobics and re-start pilates. I have to put these in place now as regular habits - if I don't do it now then when I re-start my studies I will think I don't have enough time to exercise too.

Finally getting serious? Dunno. Hope so. OK I know hoping isn't enough. I have my exercise plan drafted out. Now I have to work on the eating. Not just for my physical health but my mental health too, I've been really irritable for the past few weeks (months?) and I know I would feel better if I wasn't consuming so much cr@p.

Next action is weigh myself, find out the worst. Eek.

exceptions to the rule

My motto is "never do today what you can put off till tomorrow", but I make an exception for stationery shopping. I feel about stationery like normal women are supposed to feel about shoes - somewhere out there is the one, the magic item, that will make me organised and productive and beautiful and sexy. Getting into GTD has given me a fantastic excuse for indulging my passion. I have lovely new intrays and files and folders and best off all, brand new today, a lovely box for keeping my 43folders in (thanks to 43folders wiki for the tip - there is no room in my tiny office for another filing cabinet so a box for my folders is great).

The 2 things I like best about GTD are:

1. he tells you how to set up a simple system to organise your stuff. All my systems break down because they are too complicated or things drop through the cracks. I think this new system might work for me, I particularly like the whole tickler file thing, I feel like I might finally be managing my paper.
2. the emphasis on next actions. For someone who prevaricates and panics and procrastinates like I do, focusing on the next thing I have to physically do makes sense. It also chimes in with stuff I worked on during CBT sessions in the past.

The book has a quote which I love, so I have made it into a motivational poster incorporating my spiritual beliefs:

It is easier to act yourself into a better way of feeling than to feel yourself ino a better way of action

O.H. Mowrer

catching up

Christmas was great, it was really nice to spend the day with all of my family, plus we went to visit friends who moved to Brum last year. Owen got totally spoilt with mounds of presents, including Marvin's Mind Blowing Magic. He spent New Year's Eve performing street magic for friends and neighbours.

All back to work and school now boo and also waiting for the course materials to arrive to start my next OU courses. In preparation for which I have signed up to the cult of Getting Things Done. I've read the holy book, I've set up the sacred 43folders and now I'm ready to start cranking those blessed widgets. I'm going for a mainly anologue implementation to start with (square cut folders, A4 paper, post-its), we'll see how it goes.

Eating is double plus ungood right now, bingeing like feck. Next action: read "Overcoming Binge Eating"

a sad post

Not that Xmas was sad, actually it was great and I may even get round to blogging it (Oh yeah and resolutions) at a later date. But tonight I feel sad and old and maybe finally a grown up. K is the same age as me, more or less, and one of my oldest and dearest friends. On Friday night his mum died. It was completely unexpected and a huge shock. She was only 60. She was a brilliant woman, the centre of their family who held it all together. She was always kind and welcoming to me when I used to visit. Tonight on the train I was happened to be listening to HMHB and it took right back 20 or so years to when I first visited their home. And I remembered her and felt for K, who was very close to his mum. And I felt a bit sorry for myself, too; I am 40 this year and my contemporaries' parents have started dying. Does this make me a grown up at last?

Anyway I got home and cracked open the best whisky and gave him a ring. And now I'm going to sit and drink some more of the best whisky and raise a glass to K's mum.

I'm not overweight, I'm an eco-warrior

Apparantly, being a lard arse is good for the planet. Pass the pringles, I shall be a one woman carbon sink. That should get my carbondaq account in credit.

happy holidays

I have spent the last week doing very little - after several weeks of being constantly busy and running round the country for work, I had that 'I'm comin down with something' feeling. At least for the first time ever I am ready for Christmas, hurrah for on-line shopping. But we do have to go into town this afternoon, O wants to skate at Picadilly Gardens. And the new permanent ice-rink is nearly finished, so maybe he will get to fulfill his 'Dancing on Ice' dreams.

In other 'my son's a gay' news: we spent yesterday morning baking biscuits and listening to Abba's greatest hits. We had a friend's 4 year old with us; at one point O was choreographing dance routines for them.

Tomorrow we are off to my parents' for Christmas. This will be the first time we've been to them on the day itself since Owen was born - on the years we're not in Ireland, we have Christmas at home and then go to my parents' on Boxing day. But this year I thought it would be nice to see them on the day, my mum is very happy and has invited my sister & boyf and my aunt & uncle too, so we will have a house full and it will be fun.

If I don't blog again before then, I hope everyone has a fantastic Christmas (and may you not have to listen to 'Wonderful Christmas Time' as often as I do, it being O's new favourite seasonal song that keeps supplanting the traditional Trojan Christmas on the cd player).

I rock

Got my course results - passed my residential school (10 points) with a grade 2 pass and my main 60 point course with a grade 1 (ie distinction), scored 91% on my final exam. Go me. Am now verr' drunk having just got in from office xmas outing.

theology 101

O had joined the school choir to take part in the Christmas musical 'Hosannah Rock' (he now says he does believe in god, or perhaps he doesn't, so he is going to be an agnostic for now).

In the spirit of primary school nativities everywhere, all the children are getting 'a part' but it seems all the good parts have gone to the juniors, leaving the infants to dress up as a motley collection of farm animals. Yesterday O was allocated a pig costume. For some unfathomable reason he is devasted about this (although not, one suspects, as devastated as little Mohammed's parents are going to be when they hear he's being a pig too). He wants me to go and see the head to find out if he can be a sheep instead, but I am a mean mum and told him he should ask himself if he can change costumes. O is terrified of getting in trouble, I have been trying to reassure him that the worst that can happen is she says 'no'.

I also remarked that pigs were unlikelly to have been found in a Bethlehem stable because Jewish people don't eat pork, and perhaps he could say that to the head. We got out the bible to check for references to pigs at the birth of Jesus. Unfortunately it fell open at the parable of the prodigal son¹, which in the Good News version has an illustration of him swineherding. So much for the 'no pigs in biblical Palestine' line of argument.


1. One of my least favourite bible stories. I never liked it even when I was a god botherer. Killing the fatted calf to celebrate the bad boy's return while ignoring good one who stayed at home and did the right thing, never seemed like a good message to send out to me. Same with the lost sheep, all that being happier about one sinner who repents than 99 who never did anything to repent. Bah.

in the name of research

In my new MS-office-free world, Thunderbird has introduced me (at long last) to RSS feeds. One of my regular reads is "Adventures in Ethics and Science" - she's a philosopher with a PhD in physical chemsitry, what's not to love?

Whence I read about this experiment investigating the speed of a meme, being conducted by a graduate student. As I understand ¹ that 'graduate student' is left pondish for PhD student, and PhD students being a subject close to my own heart, I thought I'd join in too. Go on, click the link to Scott's post, do the things he asks and help another poor student become a doctor.

Other news: eating bad. Bad bad bad. But I have a new book on my bedside table and I am going to work on it. I wish my course books for next year would hurry up and come, so I could have something to do to occupy me. I've been so used to having studying to do, I don't know what to do with myself between courses.


1. aka as I found out from wikipedia

half hearted

Things have generally been OK this week. Oh except for Tuesday when I was away from home and feeling like crap and ate two packets of hula hoops in contravention of my 'no crisps' rule. And last night I broke the 'no booze' rule - Rob & I finished the holiday whisky while watching "Return of the King" on teevee. But there was only the merest sniffter left. Also there were rather more cals/points in Hugh F-W'sstuffed squash than I anticipated. I've been bellydancing and swimming this week, and I tried to go to pilates but the instructor was ill; also took O and some mates to the park on Sunday.

My mood has been a bit low for a few days, tho, which I need to keep an eye on. Maybe I'm still on a come-down from being so busy for the last few months. In the run up to my exam and then the holiday I had to put lots of effort into keeping my energy high, so I could throw myself into getting everything done. Now I just want to throw myself onto the settee and watch repeats of "The Practice". Except ITV3 have stopped showing the Practice boo hoo hooo.

dedication

I went belly dancing last night, and as a result missed the first IACGMOOH, because my personal trainer said I had to go. My personal trainer is on at me to take more excercise generally and won't let me use the lift, I have to go up the stairs instead. My personal trainer is 7 and calls me mum.

blah blah blah

Oh flick feck arse. I hate all this dieting cr@p. But also I hate being a bleb so back on the path of rightousness I attempt to go. Weighed self this morning, as expected am heaviest ever, weighing more than Liza Minnelli. Plan of sorts:

• no alchohol for 2 weeks
• no crisps
• exercise: Monday = bellydance, Thursday = pilates, Saturday = swimming

tis a start. Today I shall be mostly taking my mind off crisps by playing with my computers - wireless network tends to play up so arrival of shiny new laptop is a good time to reinstall it from scratch. Also am trying an MSOffice-free experiment on new machine, have got open office installed, now need to try playing with it to get Thunderbird and Lightning (very very frightening) to work too. Then I'm getting a feck off big external hard drive to back up all my puters on.

anyone wanna babysit?

Being how we's old and dull me and R hardly ever go out together. Now we have 2 nights out in as many weeks and no-one to babysit since our regular babysitters went to college or turned into single parents bah. And it's on school nights so sleepover not a good option but it'll probably come to that. We've to two lots of comic genius to see - Mark Thomas on the 15th and then Jeremy Hardy on the 30th. I've quoted this before but it's well worth posting again ....

Good point well made, Mr. Duncan. As you clearly say, it states in Leviticus Chapter 18 Verse 22 that homosexuality is an abomination. Which reminds me—there are a couple of things I need guidance on. Firstly, If I wanted to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7, how much could I expect to make from such a deal? Also, my colleague Pete insists on working on the sabbath. Exodus clearly says he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or is it OK to get some outside help? Lastly, does the whole city really have to be together to stone my brother John for planting different crops side by side. And when I burn my mother for wearing garments made from two different threads, do I torch her whole or just a bit?

Jeremy Hardy
(thanks to the The Unofficial Jeremy Hardy Page for this)

And then deep deep joy, the HMHB fans email drops into my inbox to tell me they're playing in Manchester next February! Yay hay, see you there Nigel. I think I'll wear a black tour jacket over my Dukla Prague away kit and, if it's cold, keep warm with me Joy Division overgloves

spend spend spend

Now that R has a proper job (at least until next summer) we is not poor all the time anymore hurrah but the downside is I now have to pay for my OU courses myself boo hoo. So today I shelled out for next year's courses - geology and extra geology.

I need to book the summer school too but that will have to wait because I spent the rest of the money on a new laptop instead. Our old one is all old and slow and cranky with a battery life of about 10 minutes, the new one is all shiny and speedy and lovely and long lasting, and my new best friend. Tax bill, what tax bill?

back

Well I've been back for over a week but life just keeps happening and getting in the way of important computer stuff.

Our holiday was great, NE Scotland is beautiful and the fishing village we stayed in was lovely. Other lovely places include Hopeman (top quality rockpooling) and Pennan (spot the Local Hero phone box)

We had far better weather than we had any right to expect in October, the first couple of days were glorious. It wasn't so good after that there was still lots to do; we went to the Museum of Scottish Lighthouses - it was amazing to see the lenses and reflectors close up, I'd never really thought about what they're like

and to the MacDuff Marine Aquarium - which is small but perfectly formed. It's really interesting that all of their fish etc are indigineous, and the staff are really lovely and helpful and interesting

Owen's favourite thing of all was the ice-rink, we went twice (plus once to the swimming pool). One thing we didn't get to do was go on a boat trip to look for whales and dolphins and sharks - they weren't sailing because of the weather. We did see a seal close up in the harbour tho, awwww. Oh and visited "the world's leading malt whisky specialist" to get a pressie for R - tho he had to slum it with a bottle of GlenKeith rather than one of the malts with a 3 or even 4 figure price tag.

So, a great holiday but too much driving (C doesn't drive so it was all down to me). Going up was OK as we did it in 3 hops (Manc-Durham / Durham-Dundee / Dundee-Portsoy) but the drive back down all the way from Portsoy to Durham in one day was too much really. Then when we got back it we had to get ready for O's birthday, he was 7 last Saturday. He was very happy with the roller blades we gave him, he is very keen on honing his skating skills to perfection. He didn't have a party this year, we had a few kids for a sleepover and cinema trip instead, plus a surprise visit to the chocolate fountain.

Weightwise things are quite bad, I suspect I am now at my heaviest ever. I have been bingeing quite badly. I think I am going to spend some time working on my bingeing behaviour and try once again to get that under control, and also to increase my exercise, but I'm not going to go on an actual diet for now.

holiday shopping

Tomorrow, me & O are off to pick up C, then on to NE Scotland for a half term post exam holiday. I have been working on holiday preparations, today I went into Waterstones for an OS map and emerged with:

Imperium by Ryszard Kapuscinski
A History of Modern Russia: From Nicholas II to Putin by Robert Service
- I've read a bit about Russia, including Gulag: A History of the Soviet Camps by Anne Applebaum (fascinating but harrowing) and I've read Imperium before but I can't find my copy (Ryszard Kapuscinski is one of my favourite writers); currently I'm working my way through Stalin: The Court of the Red Tsar by Simon Sebag-Montefiore

Fire Sale by Sara Paretsky
- hurrah hurrah for a new V.I. Warshawski novel

OS Map of our holiday area
- it is very strange going to Abroad and finding out they don't have a national ordnance survey and no official national OS maps.

Top Trumps Sharks
the Puffin Monster Joke Book
- Hopefully these will keep O amused for part of the long car drives ahead (we also have a travel Guess Who? set yay). He has just discovered Top Trumps at his mate's house and came back raving about. I used to love Top Trumps too.

Now the only things I need (which I will hopefully be able to get when we get there) are a book of local walks and a book about the local geology.

I am told some people think you have to buy clothes and have your hair done and stuff in preparation for holidays but that is just wrong. The most important thing is to make sure your holiday reading is sorted. Then your holiday listening. Everything else takes care of itself.

getting angry

Now my exam is out of the way¹ I can lift my head back out of my books and look around. And risk getting angry about stuff I read in the papers. Like all this cr@p about veils and crosses. Obviously as a card-carrying atheist I think no-one should get themselves up in a religious stylee. However to focus the debate so narrowly is to entirely miss the big picture. Only the tiniest fraction of British Muslim women wear the veil; if the 'Muslim community' is isolated from the 'main stream', lets think a tiny bit about who is isolating whom? Who is it who moves out when Asian people move into an area? Who is it who don't want to send their kids to schools with significant numbers of non-white pupils? White people that's who. And while we're at it, who's radicalising who? All this cr@p in the papers lately is making me angry as feck and I'm a white British atheist. If I was remotely of the Islamic persuasion I would, these days, only go out wearing a full veil and one of these t-shirts and carrying a copy of The Chemistry Of Explosives under my arm.

Oh and don't get me started on Madonna ...






1. Trying not to think about it now, too late to worry about what I wrote, gotta wait 2 months for the results waaaahaaaaahhhaaaaahahahahahahah

questions questions

Have I had my blood test results? Yesh and both glucose and cholesterol were normal. Which is thanks entirely to a fluke of my excellent genetic inheritance - someome with my appalling diet thoroughly deserves diabetes and heart disease.

How long have I been belly dancing? I started going about two and a half years ago, becuase I needed to do some weight-bearing excercise and it beats the cr@p out of aerobics classes.



How is the rate of an S_N1 reaction affected by (i)the nucleophilicity of the nucleophile, and (ii)the structure of the substrate? waah I dunno help I have an exam on this stuff in less than one week




Diet what diet?

who are you and what have you done with my hair?

There is a strange woman in my mirror. This morning I went for a haircut, and for the first time in years spent more than a tenner on it. I asked a neighbour with good hair where she goes, and went there. The cut is good, but then the stylist decided to dry it straight "just for a change". And then she got the straighters on it. So now I have the ubiqitous straightened layers with wispy ends look that I generally pride myself on not having. The number of women who iron their hair flat¹ these days is scary.

D**t news: there is no diet. Not this week anyway, the past two days have been a disaster. I have been to bellydancing, tho.

1. darn it why can't I find a still of Tracy Turnblad ironing her hair?

oh bollox

Gained a pound this week. Bah bah bah. Because I had two bouts of bingeing and did no excercise. Done it all wrong this week, need to do it less wrong next week. Angry with myself.

Other news: we might be getting a hamster yay. O is on an incentive programme to stop sucking his fingers. If he gets enough stickers on his chart over the next 6 weeks he gets a hamster. He actually wanted a dog but we negotiated him down. I'm very excited. We had a hamster when I was a kid, they are so cute. Plus I've always wanted rotastak. Our poor Peanuts had to slum it in a wire cage, but I've been reading that plastic ones are better for keeping cats at bay so I've been looking up rotastak on ebay. I don't think R has noticed I actually want this hamster more than O. Perhaps he could make a sticker chart for me and if I lose a pound a week in the next 6 weeks I get a really fancy hamster palace.

Being under massive pressure of work and study, I react like any normal person ie spend inordinate amount of time prowling stationery shops looking for the perfect note book or pen or desk tidy or file or post-it, something that is the holy grail of stationery and will miraculously transform me into a super-organised straight-A student. Still haven't found it, but did find some fancy pens ideal for drawing curly arrow mechanisms and a lovely new Black'n'Red notebook.

Had my blood taken this morning (eventually, after 3 goes) and she decided to test for lipids too. So now I have a week to wait to find out how much damage I've done to myself with my crappy eating.

It's that time again, yes the students are back so I took refuge in a student free zone today ie the university library. It was nice and quiet, although I suppose later in the week it will be temporarily busy with first years being shown around ("this is the library where we keep the books - you know, the big papery things with words in - do try and remember where it is so you know where to come during that last week before exams panic and sit round with your mates talking and txting and thinking that's revision").

I have a mass of studying to do myself, the last assignment of the course is due in on Friday and extensions are not allowed. I expect I will be stalking my tutor, sneaking up his drive late Friday night to put it through the letter box. At one point I decided not to go to bellydancing tonight so I could get some more work done but then my back started twinging. Plus I remembered I have an appointment for a fasting glucose test tomorrow morning. I know I will entirely deserve diabetes if I have it, but I need to keep making healthy choices about food and exercise - becuase if I don't got it now I soon will if I don't change.

this week

Lost 2 lb hurrah. Ate over my points again boo. Excercise was 1 bellydance class and some pottering about on my bike ho hum. Next week I aim to stay within my points and do 3 lots of exercise.

I don't want to shock anyone who thinks I'm all sweetness and light, but I like a spliff as much as the next woman¹ (provided it's made with 'tobacco' from those vile herbal fags rather than real fags, Mr Nick O'Teen being a far more evil villain than Ms Mary Jane). I've always been squeamish about the kind of cr@p you have to through to get. I've always got poxy little sixteenths off of friends who got if off someone else who got it off someone else who had the bottle to go and see the dealer for a big(gish) lump. And that's the trouble with draw, what with it being illegal and all, that somewhere along the line you have to deal with some fairly unpleasant people to get hold of it.

I was thinking about this yesterday while chatting with some local peeps over at the ramps, people who are all anti-corporate this and fair-trade that but smoke fags, smoke draw and probably lots of other stuff to. Yeah cos cigarette companies are so ethical innit? And drug dealers, too. We were talking about the young lad who got shot dead last weekend, not so far away from here. Almost certainly by gangs fighting over the local drug trade (tho the kid himself wasn't in a gang and ffs even if he was, he was 15, no-one deserves to get gunned down in a park at 15 years old). OK I know they're fighting over the heroin and crack trades, but the draw is part of the same system. And it's not exactly produced in an ethical manner². Wtf is the point of rolling up a Camberwell Carrot with a the baccy from a Silk Cut and experiencing a warm smug glow as you drink your mug of CafeDirect?

Sorry about the rambling rant. Partly I am angry about the kid getting shot and worried about what will happen to O if he grows up round here, and partly I have been having the odd twinge of smoking-lust (particularly when seeing someone unwrap a fresh pack of Marlboro Lights) that I'm talking myself out of. Plus my usual ongoing rage at fluffy minded hippy foolishness.

Oh yes and I am also angry cos the council have tried to bulldozer down our ramps. Something local people have put lots of time and effort into making, something that gives kids on bikes something to do other than be drug dealer's runners, something constructive, and the feckers want to knock it down.

So no more fags or other drug's for me. I leave you with the words of Nigel Blackwell:

She stayed with me until
She moved to Notting Hill.
She said it was the place she had to be.
Where the cocaine is Free Trade
And frequently displayed
Is the Buena Vista Social Club CD.

1. Unless the next woman was C in her heyday. No-one like a spliff better than C in her heyday.
2. Also that hydroponically grown stuff is bad nasty stuff. And anyway I don't need an attack of the munchies either

being a good mummy

to my cats, at least. Spent a hundred quid on them at the Vee Eee Tee. They both have fleas urgh and poor Fergus has a nasty flea allergy aww so they needed pills and lotions and injections and what not. He wasn't talking to me after, at least not until I produced the shiny new brush I got them in the hope of fending off the hair balls.

In O's books I have not been such a good mummy to him lately. Having noticed how cheeky he was becoming, and particulary his habit of wailing and whinging to try and get his own way, we are having a bit of a clamp down. Poor boy ended up doing himself out of the packet of jaffa cakes he was looking forward to. I can but hope he'll get the message eventually ...

Eating is crap, or rather I am crap at eating. I cannot seem to break the bingeing habit. I have been eating better this past week or so, since I re-started my WL efforts, but still overeating. Sigh. At least I'm getting the exercise, 2 belly dance classes a week plus bits of cycling and pilates too hurrah, also we are trying to keep the house clean (and will have to have a massive anti-flea hoovering effort) and even loathsome housework burns calories.

Having finally got the dreaded inorganic chemistry assignment out of the way (stayed up all night on Friday to finish it, it was v poor in the end but hey ho it's finished and in) I can now move onto cramming 6 weeks' of organic synthesis into 2 weeks. But at least it is my beloved organic chemistry hurrah (plus if I'm really stuck I can impose on poor long suffering K again). Then it's 4 weeks of revision for my first exam in 20 years waaaaah. But at least I am booked on a cramming weekend although very unfairly R is going to Leipzig that same weekend. Unfair, he gets all the fun.

No chemistry was done yesterday, cos we had a family day out - me, O & R plus my mum & dad who got in free cos it was grandparent's day - at Gulliver's World. O said it was even better than the last time cos he got to go on the Antelope roller coaster and not just once but twice. Plus he had his grandad with him and they adore each other - dad had even given up golf to be there, that's how much he loves no. 1 grandson.

Eating has been not brilliant but OK, apart from one binge on Friday. We went out on Saturday night and there was wine, pizza and pudding (although the diet gods must have been watching as there was only one piece of cheesecake left so we had to share it). Took a picnic with us on Sunday, not a perfect weight loss picnic but better than eating fried sh*t at the theme park. I have to keep remembering it's all about babysteps and must not expect to undo years of poor eating in a few weeks.

bah

Weigh in day today, I've gained a pound boo. But it may be a totm thing. My eating wasn't ideal (I ended up a day's worth of points over on the week eep) but exercising has been good (cycling, pilates x 2, belly dancing x 2) and I've been trying to drink more water. Next week will be better, I'm sure.

Everything is kind of getting back to normal. O has gone back to school and I have gone back to dieting. Had a blip yesterday - I was out all day (6 am to 11 pm) and while I was more careful that I would have been, it wasn't a good day foodwise. But apart from that I have kept at the pointing and the drinking water and such so far, and I've been exercising too - cycling, pilates, belly dancing.

Went for a bike ride on Sunday and during our 20 mile trundle, crossed paths with some riders out doing the Manchester 100. What with one thing and another we didn't do enough miles to go in for the 100 km this year (never mind the 100 miles). Maybe next year ...

g'night mate

Steve Irwin died in freak stingray-sting-to-the-heart incident. I loved Steve Irwin, he was mad as a box of frogs but so phenominally enthusiastic about the dangerous animals he got ludicrously close to.

O has made me promise we will never go to Australia. His current wildlife loon hero is Austin "Snakemaster" Stevens, a high-camp, hammed-up, Irwin-lite, who runs around the bush annoying deadly snakes and getting all dramatic about how quickly their venom would kill him, because obviously his film crew and production company aren't standing right next to him with a bottle of anti-venom. He does that ludicrous thing you never see anyone else do any more, of pretending he is all alone in the wild. Bah, he don't wrestle crocs and he ain't a patch on Crocodile Hunter Steve (or Crocodile Nutter as I misheard on the radio this morning, but it's quite apt really).

good start

Weighed myself this morning - I know I only did it on Monday but I want to have Friday as my regular weighing day - and I've lost 2.5 lb hurrah but erm I may but some of that back on tonight as we are going out to our friendly neighourhood Malaysian eaterie.

OK gotta go and observer the local street theatre - the council are trying to take away a neighbour's car for some reason (probably it's not taxed etc) but has they were winching it up he got in it and locked himself in, so now there's bit of an impasse.

the North East coast - a users guide

I had to work oop North-er, so we all three piled in the car and went to see how C's leg is doing. She is out of plaster but not really mobile yet, so we did a bit of whizzing about shopping and such. But mainly we did tourist things. O was thoroughly spoiled with sweets & toys from C (plus a trip to the fab cheap charity shop for games & books), plus masses of trips out and about. We don't usually go on trips to theme parks and such, certainly not 4 in as many days!

On the day I was working, R took O to DiggerLand, which was a great hit. He absolutely adored it, said it was as good as Gulliver's World. Cost of entry: £12 each (but if you take your lunch you don't need to spend anymore money if you can avoid the gift shop). Having the best day of your life twice in one month and you get to boast to every other small boy you meet about how you've driven a real digger: priceless

Next day was sunny so we headed for the coast. C came along for the ride, she couldn't get about much but her leg means she hasn't had much chance to get out and about this summer. We went up to Seahouses and had a proper British seaside day out. First up, (fish &) chips followed by ice-creams. Next down to the beach for some light rockpooling and then we took a boat trip to the Farne Islands. There are several boat operators but C advised that Billy Shiel is the best, so off we went on Glad Tidings V to see some seals. And we did see seals, and birds too, tho we were too late for puffins boo. I always wanted to see a puffin, so we'll have to go back earlier in the year next time. Anyway the boat trip was great on a sunny afternoon and afterwards, O got some candyfloss (did I mention C spoils him?) then we had a round of crazy golf, which was fun but not very crazy.

Then the next day it was off to The Alnwick Garden. Which is nice but not eight-quid-a-head's worth of nice, even if kids do get in free. The treehouse was a great disappointment, it's just a glorified caff. Presumably with glorified prices, but we had our own sarnies hah. The leaflets asking to help them fundraise for the 'next phase' stuck in the craw after the price of the entry, too. And don't get me started on the overpriced gift shops at every turn ... Still, the water features are good for kids on a warm day - although we could get wet at home for nothing.

Saturday we went home 'via' Hull (my grasp of UK geography is tenuous, unfortunately I had mentioned this trip to O before checking with R that Durham and Hull were actually relatively close because they're both on the east coast). Why Hull?

The Deep of course. Go. It's fantastic. Well if you like fishes and sharks and such it is, and what's not to like?

Back home, back to normal, back to course work avoidance. I have piles to do and I can't face it. I have been putting it off for days weeks. It's so dull. Inorganic chemistry is so dull. I realise that to normal people, differentiating levels of dullness within chemistry seems unnecessary, but chemistry types will understand. I'm also sure there are people who love inorganic chemistry but I'm an organic gal at heart. At least it has decided me against taking inorganic as my second level 3 course. It'll be physical for me, hard sums and all.

I'll tell you how bad things are. Not only am I writing long blog posts as a displacement activity, I've even been cleaning the house. Even the dreaded FlyLady would approve of my house right now. That's how bad it's got, even housework is preferable to the elements of the p-block.

Back news: it's much better than it was, but I have to be careful to look after it. No more slouching and slobbing, now I have to sit up straight help help I am being assimilated by some kind of Stretford Wife droid waaaah. I :heart: my squishy cushion that I use to support my back tho, it's lovely and squidgy and it helps. I'm going back to belly dancing from next week (I haven't been for months because I didn't have time but if I want to not to be crippled with backache I have to make time) and I'm going to start going to pilates on Saturday.

Diet news: is going OK, but I must remember that buying oatcakes is the diet equivalent of a false economy. I eat and eat and eat them. Question is, is it better to 'binge' on a few oatcakes than run out for Pringles? OK I think I just worked that out ...

well

Day 1 went OK, stuck to my points etc. Day 2 hasn't been bad so far, either. I am not looking forward to the long haul, tho. But I suppose the trick is not to think about that but only about the next day or hour or 10 minutes.

No chocolate or crisps for 2 days is an unusual acheivement for me, from my recent eating habits. I've even clocked up all my water today wooo.

could've been worse

Day 1 of Project Restart Weightloss Efforts. I've decided to follow the WW plan (using their on-line tracking) but not go to the actual Fatclub Meetings. I've tried a few and have never yet found a leader who inspires me (not £5 a week worth of inspiration, anyway). So I bought some new scales and weighed myself this morning. Have gained half a stone since I last looked, but haven't gone back up to my previous highest.

Jolly bank holiday full of cleaning, studying and cooking vats of low-calorie vegetable soup to get on with now, hurrah.

oh b*gg*r

I've done me back in. I just bent over to pick something up and ow it hurt. It still hurts. I went to the doctor; of course she told me my weight is probably the reason for back trouble. So, I have to start the weight loss thing again, perhaps this will be the incentive I need. I certainly don't want to go on having back problems, it is horrible and makes me feel about 92 years old.

How many calories in co-codamol & ibuprofen?

bad blogger's bullet points

• Graduation was stressful but worthwhile (also the house now looks nice for once), R looked great in his robes and funny hat and is a doctor at last hurrah, and I thoroughly recommend Le Petit Blanc for a family celebration


• Summer School was last week, it was fraught and frantic and far too hot, I nearly lost it in the middle of the week but fortunately the work let up slightly and the weather got slightly cooler and it became more bearable, so I made it to the end. And I did enjoy being back in a lab again. Now I just have the assignments to finish


• School Holidays are here so we have to look after our own kids bah. Took O to Gulliver's World yesterday, he said it was the best day of his life.


• Work Work Work is still always here, I have a report to write for Work-work and an assignment to finish for OU-work, before we go on holiday.


• Summer Holidays are next week, we are off first thing on Sunday for 2 weeks. Waah, half of me wishes I could stay at home and catch up with my life.

not waving but ...

... drowning under a tsunami of flat packs, paint, assignments, worry about shoes and the exact shade of green for the pashmina my fashun consultants tell me I need to get to go with my New For The Graduation dress (as picture but brown with cream spots instead of black & white), reports, meetings, trips to London, trips to Ikea, power tools¹, cleaning products², broken legged best friends, free vodka, trips to the tip, new white goods, washing & ironing, booking tables at posh restaurant, being too hot, fretting, worrying and panicking



I haven't even found time to order my copy of Key to the Identification of Academic Hoods of the British Isles, so sadly I shall miss out on the opportunities for academic twitching. Although I am hoping the Mongolian robes make another appearance.

1. tip of the day: do not let stressed, pre-menstrual, sleep deprived, living on diet pepsi, peanut butter, pitta bread & bananas, women lose with industrial strength hammer drills. They get very upset if the wall moves and makes their hole not straight.

2. several pods of dolphins have been sacrificed already